Distractions June 9, 2014

Lately I am having a very hard time coping with the daily pain. It has gotten to the point that the daily pain is no longer mild, it is either moderate or severe. This is definitely something that is scaring me and worrying me. I have been feeling okay emotionally. I am decreasing the dose of Inderal over 6 weeks so now I feel like I am not always depressed and sad which is an improvement. Most days I do feel down and out, but I feel like i have more energy now and sometimes I have really good days. I hope when I get off of it completely it won’t take long for me to feel normal again and happy. Last time I tried dropping this medication I ended up in the ER with palpitations and a terrible migraine. I know that I am stopping the med slower now which is helping, and that my ultimate goal is to feel like myself again. So i am willing to put up with the constant shortness of breath, palpitations and racing heartbeat and finally get off this med. I just want to feel happy again.

The pain can be unbearable sometimes and I have been taking the usual anti-inflammatory+tylenol option because I was told to stop taking triptans. I am trying not to think too much about the fact that I will be giving myself injections of DHE soon. It acts as a preventative and abortive but I am worried about doing the injections everyday at the beginning. My first step was to make an appointment with a nurse to teach me and watch me give my first injection and make subsequent appointments if necessary. But I don’t like to think about it much. I know it will be something I will have to get used to, and it will teach me some skills I will eventually learn in medicine so I’m trying to concentrate on the positive part: It is a great learning experience for me.

I am trying to distract myself with lots of things. One thing I have been doing a lot of lately is gardening. I absolutely love to garden! Usually as I’m gardening I am in a lot of pain, in sunlight, heat and doing somewhat strenuous work it is hard, but I truly enjoy it. It brings me pleasure to watch my hard work grow into a beautiful garden. My mom used to help me a lot with the garden because it was her dream. Now she is a bit too busy to work on it, so she put me in charge. I ended up loving nature just as much as she does. Its satisfying work because you get to benefit from growing vegis and herbs all summer long. One of the hardest things for me to do is the actual sowing of the ground, carrying big bags of soil and planting. The pain is not only in my head but in my back as well from the scoliosis. Though, when I really get into it, I forget about all the pain and just concentrate on the sounds of nature around me and the earth, and the digging and the planting, and how much organisms live the soil! I have met some weird looking things in soil! What I enjoy most about the garden is watering it everyday. It is my relaxing time. I put my ipod on, and I can water forever. Music and being outside are harmonious to me.

Summer Distractions

 Gardening for me is a great distraction from my pain, and it brings me joy and fulfillment that I actually get things accomplished and there is a final product. Don’t get me wrong, I work on the garden in little increments and start slowly and get used to it after a treturous winter.  I work on one part of the garden at a time. This is good for me since I have learned that I can’t do it all at once anymore, but I can still get to the final product at my own pace. I am very proud of my garden this year and I hope I am taking good enough care of it so we get an abundance of produce. That picture is not the whole of it, we have raspberries, blackberries, gooseberries,  strawberries and haskap berries! All of the herbs are in pots this year.

I also made some birdhouses with my little sister and we painted them for the backyard. I truly enjoy doing activities with my little sister. She is so talented and creative and fun to be with. I love art and I especially love sharing art with someone I love so much. Spending time with her always helps lift my mood.

Distractions do help take my mind off the pain, despite the pain always being present. I push myself to do different things because it helps get me out and gets me moving and it helps me enjoy life even with pain. Distractions don’t always work very well, but I find they do work to a certain extent. When I’m absorbed in something, my whole mind is into whatever I am doing. To constantly think about the pain being there is hard. Finding ways to distract myself has been interesting. I have learned a whole lot about myself through having chronic pain.